DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
My penis needs a shock collar
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
