Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
