WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Randomize
