Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
