he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Randomize
