OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Randomize
