Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
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