when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize