My hand turned me down
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
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