I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Randomize
