"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
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