Will you blow on my dice?
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
You smell like stripper and shame
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Did you pee in the oven last night??
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize