Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
