I just made out with a guy for $7.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
