hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
