Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
