Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
Randomize
