I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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