Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
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