Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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