omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Randomize
