I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
sarcasm needs its own font
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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