I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Randomize
