How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
