you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
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