You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
