my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
