I wish I only lived at night.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Randomize
