He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize