She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
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