I just pynch a tree in the face
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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