After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
There r osticjed everywhere
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
Randomize
