we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Randomize