I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
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