it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
