"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
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