Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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