my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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