Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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