I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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