we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
