i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
