I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
