why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
