i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Randomize
