I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
