i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
