there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
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