you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Randomize
