we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
I forgot how hot balto sounded
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
