What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Randomize
