Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
