WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
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