Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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