sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Randomize
