I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
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