My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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