need another drink. this is the easiest way
Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
