I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
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