and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
