I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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