I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
