foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
