so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
17 year olds will be the death of me.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
