I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
