home. puking in laundry basket.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
