She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Randomize
