I wish I could teleport
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Randomize
