when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Randomize
