Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
