What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Randomize
