You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
