how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
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