and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Randomize
