he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
