I wish I could teleport
shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
